Today
by gleeklover527
Summary: Jane is forced to watch as the love of her life marries someone else. She has to stand on the sidelines and see the future she always thought she was hers. Angst warning.


A/N: This is a semi-autobiographical piece. A similar situation I'm sure everyone can relate to. I don't own "Today" by Gary Allan or Rizzoli and Isles. It's my first try at angst so I'd appreciate any and all feedback. Thanks guys, you're the best!

I smiled watching you laugh at something silly that I had said. You were looking at me with that look. The one that makes me think you can really look inside my soul. Those beautiful eyes staring at me and took my breath away. All of a sudden your boyfriend asks if he can have a minute. You walk away from me and he calls everyone at the party for them to look at you two. He's whispering sweet things that only you can hear but I'm so close I hear every word. I have to look away after a moment. I just felt my heart break. It literally ached when he got down on one knee. And when he asked you to say yes I started to tear up. This couldn't be happening. It had to be a bad dream.

_Today, he told he that he loved her  
Put a ring around her finger  
And promised her forever, together._

After you've made your rounds around and speaking to his family, showing it off to mine. You make your way until you're where I'm sitting beside your mother. She stares at the ring and then nudges me to do the same. I have been shot, I have been held against my will, I have been stabbed with a scalpel in my hands but no pain has ever been so severe. My throat is closed off and I can't speak. Instead I incoherently say how happy I am for the both of you. Then his family asks for pictures and you walk away.

_Today, she smiled for all the pictures  
And he was right there with her  
Making all the memories without me  
And it hurts to say this out loud  
Looks like she's really gone now_

I fucking hate dresses. They make me feel awkward and uncomfortable. Yet here I am standing in a dress trying on every color of the rainbow to make you happy. There's no one I would do this for except you and you know that. You know everything. Telling me to take a break I sit down waiting for you to emerge from wherever you are. Within two minutes I see you. Blonde hair cascaded over bare shoulders wearing a dress that was made for you. I could cry. There are only two words I can say, "That's it."

_Today, is the happiest day of her life  
I should be happy for her today  
So tell me why are these tears in my eyes?  
I know I should be happy for her  
But I've lost everything  
I've lost everything I've ever wanted today  
_

It's a week before the wedding and I'm sitting on my couch cradling a bottle of vodka and staring at a photo album of the two of us. What I should have said, what I could have said. It's all unspoken. And it's torture. I wish I could go back in time and say something, anything to make it me instead of him. But it's not possible, so I'm stuck. I'm stuck being the only one who knows the truth of how I feel and being constantly reminded of what I lost. There's not enough alcohol in the world to numb this pain. This used to be the night we'd stay at my apartment and watch movies while cuddled on this very couch. That's not happened for months and it's never going to happen again. There's someone else that you'll be doing that with for the rest of your life. You don't need me anymore.

_Today, I thought about the moment I could have said I loved her  
And promised her forever together  
Today, today it really hit me  
That she don't really miss me  
She's found a new beginning  
And I'm wishing I had one more chance  
God knows it's too late for that  
_

It's the morning of the wedding. And I'm tasked with helping get you ready. I've never seen something so beautiful in my over thirty years of life as you dressed in that white wedding gown. It's my job as your best friend to make you smile and feel comfortable before you walk down the aisle. I'm doing my best to do that but being maid of honor and being in love with the bride is a combination that will break you apart inside.__

Today, is the happiest day of her life  
I should be happy for her today

While we line up by the door I hear her gushing to the rest of the bridesmaids about how wonderful it's going to be. How excited she is to be married and get her name changed. My eyes tear up and I try to hide the impact the words have on me. There is no denying them when one of her friends points them out. I let them think it's because my best friend is getting married and as I look at my best friend I hope she believes the lie. The music begins and when it does the bridesmaids start down the aisle. I take a deep breath and follow.

_So tell me why are these tears in my eyes?  
I know I should be happy for her  
But I've lost everything  
I've lost everything I've ever wanted today_

The minister says his speech and it all goes by so quickly that it seems to last for no more than thirty seconds. The next moment the rings are being called for. I reach it to you and the moment our fingers meet I feel a shock through my heart. Then rings are being placed and my heart falls into my stomach when you kiss the groom. __

Today, is the happiest day of her life  
I should be happy for her  
But I've lost everything  
I've lost everything I've ever wanted  
Today, he told he that he loved her  
Put a ring around her finger

Today, I've lost everything and I'll never get it back.


End file.
